This post is primarily an operational test for social media sharing.

Social media is kind of like my second chin: I’ve had it as long as I can remember, I kind of hate it yet can’t get rid of it, and I don’t know how it got to be so big.

Unfortunately, it seems essential for making this website an economic success. I’m trying to figure out how to effectively use it and feel like I’m stepping into a strange alien world. It’s weird and a little nerve wracking, but every day I learn something new.

Perhaps one day I’ll even achieve the lofty heights of being an “influencer.”

Though I still get a little confused over what influencers are. As far as I can tell, they are famous yet useless people that just kind of exist in the public eye and go to conventions when they’re not busy posting videos of them reacting to something someone else made.

Kind of like a leech, but one you want attached to you because so many people are watching it feed.

Laundry is a hassle. You need to wear clothes outside so the police man doesn’t stop you and give you a hard time. Worse yet, there’s a social expectation that your clothes shouldn’t smell like an old sewer filled with curdled yoghurt and the intestines of goats with extremely poor diets. In order to keep your beloved friends and strangers safe from puking due to your rancid husk wandering the streets, you need clean clothing.

And so laundry was invented, probably sometime in the 1600’s. Don’t fact check me. But like the invention of the car created global warming and the invention of cheeseburgers created the American obesity epidemic, the invention of laundry created clean laundry. This usually hazardous byproduct consumes millions of collective man hours to fold and store.

Fortunately, I am here today to tell you about a method to keep your laundry relatively clean while also not wasting your life folding it and putting it on coat racks or something. This method is “Laundry Piles.”

Simply put, wear clothing until it is considered unsanitary to keep wearing it. Then, remove it from your corpulent frame and chuck it on the floor. Eventually, your reservoir of clean clothes will run low. As necessary, pick up some of the dirty laundry pile and chuck it into a washer. Place it on the “warm jeans” setting or whatever setting you want, dry it, and gather it up into a clean laundry ball.

Now this is when people usually screw up. They set the clean laundry somewhere and sit down for three hours folding it into squares. Worse yet, you can’t even effectively wear these squares. Then you have to put the squares into a box and take them out again later and make it stop being a square to wear it again.

Just take the ball of clean laundry and throw it on the ground. Even if you don’t clean the ground, all filth will be conveniently absorbed by the lowest layer of clothing, which you can just launder again once you reach the bottom of the pile. Throughout the week, just grab whatever clothing you want off the pile and throw it on! Once the clothes you’re wearing are disgusting again because you decided to use your stomach as a plate while eating ravioli or something, just remove them and throw them back into the dirty laundry pile.

Rinse and repeat. On the warm jeans setting.

All you have to do is make sure the two piles are far enough away to be distinct. If you forget which is which, just take something off the top of one and give it a quick sniff. That’ll probably tip you off.

You can even place slightly less horrible clothing on the edge of the dirty laundry pile to reuse in emergencies, since the edge of the pile is scientifically proven to only have 15% of odor from the rest of the pile.

Not only are laundry piles easy to use and set up, they have a multitude of uses:

Beds for pets.

Forts for children.

Emergency kindling.

Hiding places from home invaders.

Places to store your magical artifacts so dark wizards can’t steal them.

So stop folding your laundry today! You have better things to do and now you have a little more time to do them.

Oh, joy. Another year. Can’t wait to fill out the date on something and accidentally write 2022.

In 2007, I created a website called thepulloutcouch.com to post webcomics. I was something like 16 at the time and overestimated my artistic and comedic capabilities.

Greatly overestimated. (I also thought giant blocks of text, pink skin, horrible resolution, and a reference to the “gallon challenge” were all great things that would age well.)

This persisted throughout high school and college and resulted in 118 horrible comics. I then became a missionary and was separated from the world for two years, during which thepulloutcouch.com was unpublished and died like a unloved relative being taken off life support.

After the two years were finished, I returned to regular life and discovered that I was kind of a vastly different human being. So I started a new website and restarted the comics from scratch.

Which was a pretty good call. However, something unfortunate happened. I got a real job. It proceeded to consume my energy and soul for the next six years. It turns out it is very hard to draw funny pictures on the internet as a soulless husk. I was also incredibly lazy and inconsistent. Plus, I once again started to hate what I had written.

So here we are, 16 years later, writing yet another “first post.”

Can’t wait to end up in the same place in another 16 years.

Happy New Year.